The "Ex-Gay" Fraud

APA Warning
Ex-Gay Fraud
Article on Ex-Gays
Beyond Abuse
Sick Religion

Picture shows two followers of the Rev. Fred Phelps.


The Bible nowhere says that Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transsexuals can or should change their sexual orientation.


No Bible basis exists for the so called "Ex-Gay" movement that has sprung up in the past 15 years in many denominations and independent religious groups.  No scientific basis exists for the "reparative therapy" to "cure" homosexuals or "deliver" people from their homosexuality.  Claims of such cures and deliverance do not hold up under close examination.

Love In Action, a movement led by Kent Philpott, was an early attempt at changing gays to straight in Marin County, California.  Philpott wrote a book about a small group of people that he claimed to change from gay to straight.  The book, The Third Sex?, claimed that the people in the group had changed from homosexual to heterosexual.  The people in the book later denied that they had changed and sued the publisher and won.  Now the book cannot be published in the U.S. but is still available from England and is still used to perpetuate the "ex-gay" fraud.

One of the people in the book is my friend John Evans, who has been on national television and is featured in the documentary on the history of "Ex-Gay" experiments and ministries, One Nation Under God.  I am also featured in this documentary which has been shown on National Public Television and in movie theaters during Gay Pride Week for several years.  John also is featured in the book, Ex-Gays, There Are None by Sylvia Pennington, who studied the so called "Ex-Gay" claims for years and refuted the claims of the movement.  She tells John's story and the stories of many others.

The largest and best known group is "Exodus International" and local branches of their ministries.  Michael Bussee and his partner Gary Cooper helped to start Exodus and then realized that they were hurting and not helping gay people.  Their story is the main theme of the documentary, One Nation Under God.  Gary died of AIDS in 1991.  Michael continues to fight against religious fear and ignorance and to advocate for acceptance of Gays and Lesbians as people of God.

See the web site the PFLAG site.  Both of these sites give up-to-date links and information about the "Ex-Gay Fraud".  See alarming article on "Hiding Out" in recent San Francisco Bay Guardian.

"Homosexuals Anonymous" has developed as a growing movement that employs an abusive and oppressive use of "steps to recovery" to offer the false hope that homosexuals can change and become heterosexual.  The "14 Steps to Recovery" from homosexuality that HA teaches are patterned closely after the wording of the 12 steps to recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous.  False fundamentalist assumptions about the Bible are read into these "steps to recovery" and cleverly used deceive people into thinking that the program really works and can change Gays and Lesbians to become straight.  "Homosexuals Anonymous" is closely connected to "Exodus International" and teaches the same false claims about the Bible.

The following updates have been added to give recent information related to the "Ex-Gay Fraud"

See powerful recent letter from wife and mother..

Update for January 25, 2004


Face it: the President's State of the Union speech was a homophobic misinformed vicious attack on everything that GLBT people expect and deserve from our leaders!  We cannot meekly submit to our own destruction.  The misguided determination of the President to encourage and support misinformed abusive religion and his blatant call for Congress to oppose and defeat any plan for honoring and supporting same-sex relationships is a clear declaration of war on GLBT people everywhere.


Start building your courageous response to these attacks by becoming informed.  Read carefully the State of the Union speech.  It is available online (see link below).  Read the updated "Soulforce" web site material given in the links below.  Read again my web site material on "The Ex-Gay Fraud" and "A Response to Southern Baptists" along with everything in Step One in my web site and book.

Get a copy of my book and study all of it with others in a small group.  See links below and "Guidelines for Small Groups" in chapter 4 of my book.  Give copies of my book to people who really want to know the truth about what is happening to us in our increasingly hostile homophobic world.  Becoming informed is an essential step in dealing with any form of war against us.  Homophobia is a disease that will never be stopped by ignorance and neglect.  The only effective vaccination against religious/political terrorism attacks on GLBT people is accurate information that tells the truth.


You cannot effectively resist religious terrorism from behind closed doors.  Hiding in the basement may save you from the destructive forces of a tornado, but hiding in the closet will only guarantee your destruction from social and political bigotry and ignorance.

Read and study all of my web site and book material on Step 9.  See links below.

While President Bush was delivering his diatribe against GLBT people, Vice President Cheney was in view just behind the President smirking and nodding his approval of what was being said.  The hypocrisy and irony of all of this was clear in the fact that Chaney has an openly lesbian daughter.


Connect with existing organizations such as Soulforce and Metropolitan Community Church, which are already in place and working hard to build and sustain the courage demanded from all of us by these rapidly developing war clouds that are rolling in our direction.  Start your own home study and support group for education and dialogue.  Explore the resources and learn about PFLAG and the many other GLBT supportive organizations that can be found on many web sites for the various GLBT friendly religious denominations and local action groups.


Your calling to link with other GLBT people in a united front of courageous opposition to abusive ignorant politicians and preachers is part of any strategy for survival in our present situation.  We are not just trying to make more progress in GLBT human and civil rights. We are struggling to survive a new holocaust of misinformation and political profiting from anti-gay social, political, and religious forces.  Public leaders like the President are declaring policies and plans that do not reveal the real motivation and power play that underlies the present attacks on our freedom and survival.

The hidden agenda of the President and his cronies is buried deep within the backroom deals and plotting that is feeding the present programs against homosexuals in every segment of our society.  We have no choice but to fight back.  The strategy of our counter attack is yet fully to emerge.  The present level of homophobic governmental and political attacks on GLBT people is new and unexpected.


Just as the Nazi Party blamed the Communists and the Jews for the political and social turmoil in pre-WWII Germany, the new vaguely disguised fascists of our present time are close to identifying GLBT people with terrorists and terrorism as the mortal enemies of our social values and survival.

A political and religious foundation is being laid to convince the American people that GLBT people are the enemy of the state and a threat to marriage and the home and to all of our social and moral values.  These are the exact same claims on which the Nazi war machine built horrors of murder and extermination.  During the President's speech I almost expected some of his supporters to jump to their feet, give the Nazi salute, and shout "SEIG HEIL!" (See "SEIG HEIL" in Google.)


The situation we face is grim and dangerous, but it is not impossible.  There is hope.  We have a lot of support that is not being expressed yet.  Encourage that support by coming out to your family and friends and by asking them to stand by you.  Above all, get accurate information about GLBT people and GLBT issues to everyone within your sphere of influence.

My friend Laura Montgomery Rutt of "Soulforce" has issued a strong statement revealing the serious threat of political/religious support for "Ex-Gay" terrorism that is gaining in power and influence.  The President is giving strong support behind the scenes in White House meetings to various "Save the Family" types of religious groups that promote the "Ex-Gay" industry.  (See Americans United for Separation of Church and State web site link below.)

We cannot afford to ignore what happened to us in the President's State of the Union speech.  George Bush has laid the foundation for a new wave of homophobia and misunderstanding that could have devastating results for all of us.


Do whatever you can to pass this update on to others.  Accurate believable information about homosexuals and homosexuality is available on my web site and in multitudes of other sites on the Internet and in books and other publications.  The kind of ignorance and meanness that was evident in the President's speech is inexcusable and can only be the result of intentional lying based on abusive ignorant religion.  This power and influence of abusive religion in the White House is unacceptable to anyone who bothers to think and to become informed with the facts.

Rembert Truluck
January 23, 2004

See the President's Speech online:

See a recent article about the President's State of the Union attack on GLBT people by Herndon L. Davis, author of "Black, Gay & Christian" at:
http://www.africana.com/articles/oped/bw20040122homophobia .asp

See "Americans United for Separation of Church and State" articles at:
See also article on Ex-Gay issue: http://www.au.org/press/pr040117.htm

See Soulforce material at http://www.soulforce.org/

See Internet stories about Cheney's Lesbian daughter on "Google":
http://www.datalounge.com/datalounge/news/record.html?reco rd=9019

See Step One on "Admit You Have Been Hurt By Religion"

See Step 9 on "Coming Out"

See "Sexual Orientation and the Ex-Gay Fraud"


See also: "Start Your Own Group"

Material added on May 4, 2001

I just received the packet of material that "Focus on the Family" sends out under the title of "Help for Homosexuals".  It was well written with pictures and many ads for ex-gay literature by just about everybody that I know have written such books, with one exception: No John Paulk!  John Paulk is never mentioned and his book is never listed.  It is as if John Paulk never lived.

The most obvious evidence against everything that Focus on the Family does to demean, invalidate, confuse, abuse, deceive and destroy homosexuals is conveniently ignored as if it never happened!  John Paulk is an embarrassment to the entire "Ex-Gay" industry.  Until he was discovered last year cruising in a famous gay bar in D.C., Paulk was in charge of all of the Focus on the Family homophobic abuse and misinformation!  You can read about John Paulk and my reviews of his book and others.


As I read the Focus on the Family material on helping homosexuals, I was struck by how tired it is.  It is the same distortions and lies that have been launched against LGBT people by misinformed fundamentalists for twenty years.  The same old so-called medical and psychological experts are quoted along with long discredited "research" to prove everything.

The thought occurred to me that the Focus on the Family method of helping homosexuals is like helping someone with a broken leg by breaking the other leg.  Then you can push the person around in a wheelchair and be praised and admired for your compassion and kindness to a disabled person.  The fact that you are the one who disabled the person seems to be lost in the pride and self-congratulations that re-enforce and encourage such destructive nonsense.

GLBT people already are wounded and broken by social rejection, unfair anti homosexual laws, job and housing discrimination, deeply seated prejudice against them, family abuse, internalized homophobia, and bullying and ridicule from childhood to old age.  Then abusive churches come along and break the other leg by saying that God also hates you and rejects you and you are an abomination to God!  The spiritual resources that help everybody else deal with stress are systematically denied to LBGT people by the prevailing sick oppressive religion of today.  When will this madness stop?


Fundamentalists create a religious environment of legalistic judgmental fear that makes their followers dependent on a flawed religious system for their peace of mind and sense of security.  Abusive sick religion wounds people and then plays the role of healer to fix something that was never broken to begin with.  It may be an obvious retreat from reality, but it makes a lot of money, a whole lot of money!

It is bad enough that the misinformed homophobic fundamentalists lead many GLBT people to commit suicide in fear and despair, but for them to amass great financial profit from their evil works is beyond any possible justification.  The same can be said for all abusive religion.

Fundamentalists encourage and create dependence on their system by teaching their own misinformation, opinions and prejudices instead of teaching their followers to think for themselves.


Legalistic homophobic fundamentalism also makes people desperate, desperate for change, desperate to change themselves to fit the unrealistic demands of sick religion, and desperate to please other desperate people who are out of touch with spiritual reality.

When any kind of stress makes us desperate, we become victims of our own feelings, and being cool, calm and collected becomes a great challenge.

Remember the statement in "Blazing Saddles" about something being "The last act of a desperate man"?  The comic reply was, "I don't care if it's the first act of Henry the Fifth!"  Desperate acts get us into a lot of trouble, like losing our jobs, losing our money, getting married, acting crazy, and joining abusive churches.

What does it take to make you desperate?  Have you ever done destructive things to yourself because you were desperate?  I have.  Desperation is never a pretty picture.  Fear and desperation often go together.  Fear of losing your lover, your job, your health, your reputation, your friends, your family, your possessions, or your life can fill you with dread and make you desperate.


Fear and anger can trigger feelings of desperation.  Fear, sex and anger are among the most powerful human emotions that can take over and run our lives – smack into the nearest wall or head-on into oncoming human traffic!

What does it take to make you angry?  Having someone pull into a parking place in front of you?  Having a friend get mad and hang up on you on the phone?  Having to wait too long in the check out line or the post office line or anywhere else?  Having religious bigots misunderstand and condemn you?  Anger and frustration also trigger desperation and can make some people launch their built-in "attack mode" guided by their "reptilian brain" and do themselves a lot more harm than they do to others.

I have long ago lost count of the number of people who have written to me to tell me that they had planned or attempted suicide because of the self-hate and desperation created in their minds by sick abusive religion.


Why are we so self-destructive?  I wish I knew!  Is there a solution to desperation?  Yes.  Follow Jesus.  I am impressed by the total absence of desperation in the attitude of Jesus throughout the Gospels.  Jesus was cool, calm and collected.  According to the Gospels, Jesus' response to his own anger was to withdraw, take time to cool off and reflect on what was happening.  (See Mark 3:1-7 and parallels and my web site and book material on "How Jesus Handled Anger" in Step 4.)

Jesus "cleansing the Temple" was not an act of "anger," which is never mentioned in the story.  Jesus drove out the money changes because of their misuse of the part of the Temple that was open for "all nations" (the word is same as "Gentiles").  Jesus was fulfilling precise prophecy regarding his mission of welcome and peace for all people.  It was anything but "the desperate act of an angry man!"

Where do you think self-control comes from?  The final word in the list of fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23 is "self-control."  The Greek word means literally "to get a grip on yourself."  Somewhere between "love," the first fruit, and "self-control," the Spirit of Jesus instills in us the qualities of thinking and emotions that lift us above stress and give us the ability to handle pressure without falling victims to our own despair or desperation.


Next weekend, May 10-13, my sister, Jackque, and I will go to Laurens, South Carolina to visit our mother for Mother's Day.  My mother is my greatest supporter and spiritual encouragement in my ministry.  She has finished reading my book 3 times, in spite of her very poor eyesight.  She is legally blind.  My sister and I are moving forward on plans to celebrate her birthday along with the rest of the family on August 11, when she will be 90 years old.

When we asked Mother what she wanted to do to celebrate her birthday, she said, "I want to go to the beach!"  So that is what we will do.  My sister has rented a beach cottage for a week at the South Carolina beach we used to go to years ago, and everybody in the family who can get there will join us for the August 11, 2001, celebration.

Thank you for all of your e-mail, your encouragement and your support.

Rembert Truluck

This update was added on March 12, 2001:

"Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" is the title of a powerful movie nominated for the Academy Award for Best Picture.  This Chinese movie contains great acting and incredible special effects and scenery.  It develops Asian philosophies and traditions around the theme of powerful hidden forces for both good and evil.  It was a dramatic reminder to me that many of the most negative and destructive forces around us are hidden from view.

Abuse is often out of sight.  Child abuse and spouse abuse are usually hidden from public view and go on for years undetected even by other family members and friends.  Yesterday the city of San Francisco held a memorial service at city hall for the hundreds of homeless men, women and children who have died on the streets.  Homeless people are hidden from view in dark doorways and other temporary shelters.  The abuse and neglect of the homeless by our society finally comes to light in suffering and death that cannot be overlooked.

Many of the troubled, vulnerable and dysfunctional people in our society have always been kept behind closed doors in prisons, nursing homes, mental hospitals and other institutions where inhumane and abusive treatment are kept hidden from the public.  Our entire nation is in denial about what is happening to many of our fellow citizens out of sight in abusive destructive relationships.


No matter what laws are passed or what churches decide, homosexuals are still under attack from their own families and from within.  Our hidden dragons are often within our own families and within ourselves.  Internal homophobia creates more low self-esteem and self-destructive behavior than open homophobic attacks against us.

Most of the e-mail that I have received recently is from people who have found my web site and have begun to find help in accepting themselves and in trying to deal with family pressure and abuse.  They still have many questions and wrestle with many forms of self-doubt and fear.  The powerful abusive influence of religion is always there.


Children in our culture are programmed with abusive traditional religion before they are aware of what is happening to them.  Long before a child is able to make independent decisions about anything, illogical religious ideas and teachings are implanted that will take a lifetime to correct.  Religion is neither realistic nor objective; so when an individual begins to become mature enough to be realistic and objective, the shreds of irrelevant religion that remain are often rejected and replaced with whatever makes sense.

This process is never totally complete.  Many pressures remain in society to continue to cooperate with and give superficial support to religion, even when religion is negative and destructive.  Hypocrisy is never a really comfortable state of mind, and misplaced guilt drives many individuals into extremely destructive behaviors against the self and against others.

Homophobia is based largely on "what the Bible says" even when the truth is clearly explained, as it is in my web site and book.  Resistance to challenging and changing prejudices and misinformation based on "what God says" is one of the most destructive of the many "hidden dragons" in our culture.


Hidden dragons abound in every area of life.  In 1957, Vance Packard published "The Hidden Persuaders," a revealing study of the "hidden dragons" in advertising.  As I studied this book in my seminary courses on sociology and religion, I realized that the same principles of hidden persuaders and subliminal suggests abound also in religion.

Knowing that effective hidden efforts are being made to control your mind and make you think in certain ways so that you will buy appliances you don't really need and support abusive religion can go a long way to encourage you to resist the "hard sell" in business and in religion.  Are you aware of the subtle pressures and convincing false claims that invade your mind and heart every day?

The Internet is full of hidden persuaders and "hidden dragons."  Every hate group in the country has a web site.  Every religious group from the most liberal to the most fanatic religious nut has a web site.  If people never lied before, they lie on the Internet in web sites and in e-mail.  They can be destructive dragons, but they can remain hidden just like a "crouching tiger" in the shadows of the cyber jungle.


How can you arm yourself to overcome the hidden dragons all around you in your culture and in your own family and in yourself?  How do you manage to see through the hidden persuaders that attempt to seduce you into self-hate and self-destructive behavior?  How free are you to apply logic and common sense to the emotional stalking of abusive religious tigers and dragons?

Nobody has all of the answers.  The most abusive and destructive "crouching tigers and hidden dragons" remain out of sight and out of mind.  Abusive religion sneaks up on you from your blind side.  What is your blind side?  Is it your blind faith that has seduced you into believing misinformation about God, the Bible, Jesus, other people and yourself?

What means have you discovered to bring logic, accurate information, objective thinking and realism into your life?  These are powerful anti-dragon weapons.  You already have them.  Now use them and enjoy your freedom to be yourself and to help others do the same.

Update for August 20, 2001

The recent national census gave opportunity for same-sex committed couples to be counted.  Final figures are not in yet, but 500,000 couples "came out" and were counted.  This was a small percentage of the same-sex couples in this country.  Census takers reported that many Gay and Lesbian people in relationships were reluctant or unwilling to be counted yet.  (See my web site material on "Statistics" in link below.  See all of my material on "The Ex-gay Fraud.")

Fear, repression, misunderstandings and self-hate are among the many results of religious abuse that continue to unsettle and threaten GLBT people everywhere.  Truth is the first casualty of religious abuse and oppression.  Misinformation and religious distortions have been declared to be the truth of God.  Standard accepted doctrines of religion are bent into homophobic weapons for the torture and destruction of LGBT people.

Gay and Lesbian people have been taught to hate and fear themselves by religious movements and rabid religious leaders who do not know God or their own true selves.  The lies of religion throughout history have hindered human progress in every field and have destroyed multitudes of people for the sake of false gods.  Truth forever on the scaffold has been the result of religion soaked culture from the beginning of history.


Gay and Lesbian people have been part of human history at every moment and every age.  At times homosexuals emerged into the forefront of history as with Socrates, Alexander the Great, many great musicians and artists, and a few brave pioneers like Oscar Wilde, who paid the high price of being openly gay.  In many native cultures, homosexuals have been honored and respected for their insight and spiritual guidance.

The true role of homosexuals in history, however, has often been obscured and denied by religious powers and political force.  In the 32 years since Stonewall, many writers and researchers have brought the homosexual subplot of human history into clear focus.  GLBT activists have expressed concern that the low number of same-sex couples counted in the census will hinder the progress of LGBT rights and helpful legislation for our community.


The biblical view of truth is connected with the sovereignty of God.  "God is true." (Romans 3:4)  Hebrews 6:18: "It is impossible for God to lie."  John 8:31-59 explores the theme of truth and shows how Jesus connected truth and freedom: "You shall know the truth and the truth will make you free."  In John 14:6, Jesus said: "I am the truth" and in 14:17 called the Holy Spirit "the Spirit of truth."

Paul complained in Romans 1:25 that some "exchanged the truth of God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed for ever."  See also Paul's discussion of truth as the chief characteristic of the "new self" in Christ in Ephesians 4:22-25 and in 6:14 says that the first basic piece of Christian armor that equips believers to stand firm is "truth" 6:14.  When Paul gives a list of things that should dominate the thinking of believers, the first is "whatever is true." (Philippians 4:8).  This biblical emphasis on truth is not by accident.

Hypocrisy is the denial of truth by wearing a mask that hides the truth.  See Matthew 23 for the teachings of Jesus about hypocrisy.

The ultimate expression of truth takes place in John 18:37-38, where Jesus said to Pilate: "I have come into the world to bear witness to the truth.  Every one who is of the truth hears my voice," to which Pilate answered: "What is truth?"  Robert Browning commented on this with the poetic line: "What is truth said jesting Pilate, and would not wait for the answer."  Jesus was crucified for telling the truth.


Telling the truth can be very costly to GLBT people, as you probably have discovered for yourself.  Hiding your truth can be even more costly in low self-esteem, shame, fear, self-destructive attitudes and actions, and in living constantly under the stress of living a lie.

See my web site material on Step 9: "Come Out and Accept Yourself."  Coming out as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transsexual is essential to your mental and emotional health.  Internal conflict over your own sexual orientation can drain your energy, distort your view of reality and condemn you to a lifetime of fear and despair.

My guess from my experience in our community and in churches, travel, e-mail and other responses to my web site and book is that probably less than one percent of homosexuals are out to anyone beside themselves, and a lot of GLBT people are not even out to themselves.  All statistics about LGBT people are wrong.  They cannot possibly be correct, because nobody knows the sexual orientation of the total population, not even of the people you already know best.

Attacks against us by the homophobic religious right and by politicians are based on misinformation, erroneous statistics, distortions of truth and the use of intentionally misrepresented information.  Why are so many people willing to believe abusive religious distortions of truth against us?  Why do so many of us still believe the abusive religious attacks against us?


The awful truth that few people are willing to face honestly and without fear is that the "faith based" homophobia in our culture is wrong, ungodly and out of touch with reality.  Religion has persisted throughout history in the effort to explain difficult questions with speculation and an endless array of idolatries.  As long as the churches in America are unwilling to take an honest fresh look at themselves and their whole approach to reality and truth, no real progress for us is possible.  When the church leaders reluctantly decide to study us, we cheer the progress that we are making.

The only step that will be real progress for us will be for the churches to turn back to the Jesus of the Gospel and completely change their basic priorities from money to people, from power to service, from condemnation to acceptance, from exclusion to inclusion, from manipulation to love and from idolatry to truth.  Reluctant acceptance of gay people into church leadership is no real progress if the entire church cannot rid itself of the idolatry that goes by the name of "Christianity" today.  When we go into the traditional homophobic churches today, we are boarding the Titanic just before the iceberg revealed the awful truth that the greatest ship ever could be destroyed in a few minutes.

The Titanic sank because the captain ignored the truth and was on the route that led to destruction instead of to the expected glory of success.

No matter how beautiful and imposing the buildings might be, religious institutions that are not built on the truth are crumbling from within and will fail.  Love and truth are the basic methods of Jesus.  "Love never fails" and "truth sets you free."  To cooperate with violence and deceit in the name of religion is to deny God and abandon spiritual freedom.

We are not here to join the churches.  We are here to change the churches and every other facet of our culture and society that is founded upon anything else but the truth.  The truth will set you free.  Are you free yet?

Rembert Truluck

Small home groups that meet informally for spiritual growth, support, learning and dialogue are a successful alternative to institutional religion for many people.

(Statistics and Attacks on Homosexuals)
Rembert Truluck August 26, 1998.

Current anti-gay rhetoric has included statistics about gay and lesbian behavior and "lifestyle" that twist the truth and create lies and distortions for religious, financial, and political purposes.  The truth is that nobody knows what homosexuals do or think because nobody knows who is homosexual and who is not!


When I was outed and left the Baptist College of Charleston, SC, in 1981, I moved to Atlanta to stay with my sister and met the mayor's director of human rights programs.  I asked her if there was a way to fund a research project to study the social condition of gay people such as demographics, medical needs, financial needs, employment and living conditions, and other issues in the gay community that would provide an accurate and reliable basis for city programs that would address the needs of gay people in Atlanta.  She said that such a study was greatly needed, but no money was available for it.

I still feel, 18 years later, that such a study is needed more now than ever.  The problem in doing such research is the simple fact that the overwhelming majority of gay and lesbian people are in the closet, and nobody really knows who is gay and who is not.

Statistics that claim that the average gay man lives only 40 years, that gays have far above average income, and that give awesome figures about the private sex activities of homosexuals are all pure nonsense!  Nobody knows.  No research tools have yet been developed that can penetrate beyond the closet door that protects millions of gay and lesbian people from the false prophets and homophobic fundamentalists who see themselves on a holy mission as the "hounds of heaven" to search out and destroy "the enemy": us!

The lies about gay people that have gone under the banner of "statistics" have been told so often and in so many publications that far too many people, including gays and lesbians, believe the lies.  The "statistics" are based on speculation, faulty research, and outright fabrications and are not true.


The professional scientific and medical world since 1973 has taken a firm and unswerving stand for accepting and respecting homosexual orientation as healthy and deserving of equal protection under the laws that protect all other minorities.  The ignorance level about homosexuals, however, has steadily risen through the efforts of preachers and politicians who use religion and fear to promote lies about gay people.

Gay people are no different from the general population in most things.  You are surrounded by gay people that you do not know are gay.  From my personal experience in gay communities in many cities, rural areas, and small towns and through my contacts with gays and lesbians because of ministry with gay churches and my web site, and as a result of my own reading and research, I am convinced that at least 10% of the population is homosexual, just as Dr. Alfred Kinsey discovered years ago.

Most gay people take care never to draw attention to their sexual orientation, even though such "living in the closet" can cause a lot of inner pain, loneliness, isolation, and despair.  No two homosexual people are exactly alike.  Our individuality defies stereotypes and any truly reliable "statistics".

Even the statistics that are derived from the study of people with HIV and AIDS tell us very little about gays in general.  Probably 1 in 10 to 25 people with HIV even know that they are infected, and only a small percentage of those who are infected with HIV ever tell anyone or get treatment until the symptoms become too overwhelming to hide any longer.

Rev. Elder Troy Perry, Founder and Moderator of the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches, used to say that the world would be startled and wake up to the fact that we really are "everywhere" if suddenly all homosexuals would turn purple.  What a surprise to the U.S. Congress, court system, military, business world, entertainment, educational system, law enforcement, and the rest of our society if suddenly all homosexuals were identified by turning purple!  As Rev. Perry has said many times, "Unfortunately, AIDS did this for many of us."  Yet people with AIDS are only a small fraction of male homosexuals.

The incredible and unfounded claims by powerful political, religious, and other leaders that equate homosexuals with alcoholics, kleptomaniacs, and other "sinners" and misfits has not been answered adequately in the news media so far!

When I finally went to Alcoholics Anonymous and quit drinking on August 8, 1989, my mother wrote me to tell me how glad she was that I had begun the road to recovery from alcoholism.  She said that she was far more worried about my drinking than about my being gay, because, as she said, "You can't do anything about being gay, but you can quit drinking!"

When judgmental legalism replaces the gospel, ignorance is preached from the pulpit as "the word of God", and lies are lifted up in prayers and sermons as the truth, the church is in deep trouble.  Jesus as "the way, the truth, and the life" has been replaced with "the stumbling block, the lie, and the disaster." 


In an incredible front page story on August 26, 1998, "The San Francisco Examiner" reported on the ideas of a lawyer who believed that if a gay gene were to be discovered, parents would be justified in aborting babies with the "gay gene".  This could open the way for ignorant homophobic fundamentalists to push for the abortion of babies that carried the "gay gene" once such a gene is found.  The lawyer suggested that this would spare the parents from the distress and pain of having homosexual children! 

My reply is that scientific research would be better served to isolate and identify the "bigot gene" that causes people to hate and want to destroy people who are different from themselves and that they consider to be inferior.  It could be called the "nazi gene" and would provide the basis for compassionate doctors to abort babies with the bigot gene so that they would not bring distress and pain to their parents and possibly wholesale destruction to multitudes of "inferior" people.

Based on what I know about gene research, it is unlikely that a gene will be found that determines sexual orientation.  Sexual orientation is a gift from God, like the talent for music, art, writing, etc.  Sexual orientation is not a human made trait and is not going to be subject to human manipulation any time soon.

Homophobia, however, can be cured.  An encouraging letter came to me yesterday that said, "Only recently, weeks ago did I realize my condemning of homosexuality was an abomination to the Lord, not the homosexuals."  Such conversions are far more frequent than we may realize.  The truth goes marching on.  Be part of the march of truth.

Some religious leaders have elevated ignorance
to the level of a virtue and a moral obligation.
Jesus came to replace sick destructive religion with himself.

Answers for GLBT people who are married with children
Update.  January 2, 1999

Today, January 2, 1999, I received e-mail from a gay man has been helped by my web site and who is 52 years old, married with 2 children, and just came out to his wife 2 weeks ago.  She caught him reading Troy Perry's book, and "that led to a long discussion." 

This was a most appropriate letter for me to read at the beginning of this new year.  It was a "wake up call" to me to plunge into the issues and answers that dominate the lives of multitudes of unknown tightly closeted gay, lesbian, and bisexual people who are "married with children" and who live in fear and dread of being found out and destroyed.

"MARRIED WITH CHILDREN" was a popular and very funny television situation comedy about outrageous situations faced by a married couple and their two hilarious children.  What if this had been the story of a married lesbian and her gay husband and their two homosexual children?  Maybe it was!  No matter how crazy things got, the solution was always found in funny developments that were often more crazy than the problems.   

My web site on the Internet has already reached thousands of "married with children" gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people with encouragement, information, and hope.  I am grateful for this.  But readily available resources that speak directly to the needs of "married with children" homosexuals are hard to find.  Resources like my material in "Steps to Recovery from Bible Abuse" and other web sites like "Gay Dads" ("A Coming Out Guide for Gaydads")  (including many useful links) are helpful but keep the reader at a distance and cannot really provide the kind of face to face personal or small group dialogue for encouragement and support that everybody needs.

Most "married with children" GLBT people are afraid even to have a helpful book in their possession or to venture out and visit a Metropolitan Community Church.  Yet progress is being made, especially through the Internet.  See the discussion pages links in the "GayDads" site.

I personally have had the opportunity to bring some "married with children"  gay/lesbian/bi/trans people together with others in e-mail friendships, but that is slow and reaches only a tiny fraction of the millions (yes, millions!) of closeted "married with children" gay, lesbians, bi, trans people in the USA.  World-wide, the numbers are mind boggling!

I have no doubt that only a tiny fraction of gay, lesbian, and bisexual people in this country live in visible gay communities like San Francisco's Castro or Atlanta's Midtown.  Most homosexuals are not "out" to anybody!  The overwhelming majority of us live in millions of uncomfortable heterosexual marriages in every geographical, cultural, and social place in our world.  This is why the "statistics" about homosexuals are always false and misleading, no matter who gives the statistics.  See  "The Truth About Homosexuals" (Statistics) above.

Fear, secrecy, lies, guilt, shame, loneliness, isolation, and a pervading mood of abandonment and rejection by God can so undermine self esteem and self control that terribly self destructive decisions and actions are not unexpectedly frequent and devastating.  One of the first self destructive decisions made by many of us who have been or are married with children is the decision to get married in the first place.  Social and religious pressure on homosexuals to marry continues to be as unrelenting and unrealistic as it was when I got married in 1959.

More recently, "ex-gay" and other misguided counselors have urged gay and lesbian people to get married so that engaging in heterosexual sex will "cure" them.  This bold and incredibly destructive lie still prevails in much of our culture today.  See the "True Personal Story"

If you have not looked at it, read all of my own story in About the Author.  I do not claim to have handled my own "coming out" well at all.  I let the circumstances around me control what happened instead of thinking clearly and being in control of my own fate.  I have tried to share some of what I have learned from my own experience and that of others in my material on "Practical Guidelines for Coming Out" and "The Bible Basis for Coming Out" in Step 9 .

There are no easy solutions to the dilemma faced by GLBT people who are "married with children". 

If you are facing this dilemma or if you have found solutions that have worked for you, please write to me and tell me about it.  I want to understand better what is happening to our sisters and brothers who are "married with children" so that I can be of more help than I have been so far.  I still need answers for myself.  We are in this crazy world together.  We need each other and we can help and encourage each other.

Thank you for your response.
Rembert Truluck (click for e-mail form)

"Now concerning the things about which you wrote,
it is good for a man not to touch a woman." 
Here, in I Corinthians 7:1, and in the entire chapter,
Paul recognized that there were many exceptions to the
cultural demands of his day, which assumed that
every man should be married. 
We do not know what were
"the thing about which you wrote",
but we do know that throughout this chapter,
Paul gives his opinions and not "commands" (7:6, 25)
and that he concludes his opinions by saying
"I THINK that I also have the Spirit of God."
YOU also have the Spirit of God yourself. 
Work out what Works best for you! 
(See: Philippians 2:12-13: "Workout your own
salvation with fear and trembling; for God
is energizing you, both to desire and to work
for God's good purpose.")

A Recent Letter from the Wife of a Closeted Gay Man:
Letter from Anita
May 5, 2001:

I am a heterosexual woman who has figured out that her husband is gay.  It has been hard to separate the feeling of being used from the feelings of anger over his lying (the constant harping on "my" problems as the reason for no sex or affection, the constant criticism of me as the reason for nearly a decade's distancing).

We have two daughters, and I am prepared for the eventuality that one or both of them could be gay:  this is not helped by his preaching that gay people are "bad" to our children. 

Please spread the word to people who think that they might be gay: DON'T MARRY STRAIGHT PEOPLE.  When the divorce arrives, and I suspect it will, I will have my hands full trying to be supportive of my daughters.  If he comes out, I will have my hands full un-teaching the homophobia he is pushing at them in a desperate attempt to stay in the closet. 

Please spread the word to closet cases that have married:  TREAT YOUR SPOUSE WITH RESPECT, not disdain because your spouse fell for the line you spun.  It was bad to lie, and it is bad to blame the victim for your lie. 

Yours for a day when people coming out of the closet do not play head games with their spouses and children, --Anita

Update added October 26, 2003

War has been declared against GLBT people on many battlefronts.  Religion, politics and ignorance have been launched like nuclear missiles against all of us in recent years and months and days.  All out war has been declared against us in retaliation for all of the GLBT progress that has been made recently in the U. S. Supreme Court and in many significant arenas of public policy and public opinion.

A recent book by Wayne Besen on the "Ex-Gay Industry" is a very important source of counter-attack in our response to the escalating war against us.  The book by Wayne Besen is "Anything But Straight: Unmasking the Scandals and Lies Behind the Ex-Gay Myth." (See links below.)  I encourage you to get a copy of this book and use it as a helpful resource in your personal equipment for battle.  See the long "Forward" to the book by Mel White.

Wayne Besen has been an effective advocate for GLBT human rights for many years, and this recent book is an impressive and practical resource for all of us engaged in the battle for truth and honesty.  Besen is the person who made photographs of John Paulk in the Gay Bar in Washington, DC, that exposed the truth about John Paulk and his fake "Ex-Gay" claims in Focus on the Family ministries!  (See my web site review of John Paulk's book and exposure as a fraud.  See link below.)

Wayne Besen provides a great deal of helpful historical information and gives accurate scientific research and facts that refute the hysterical "ex-gay" nonsense that is being dumped on GLBT people by Southern Baptists and other abusive religious deceptions.


Truth is the first casualty in any war.

We will never win the homophobic war against us by the abusive religious forces of our society if we remain uninformed and ill equipped with the truth.  "Be diligent ("study") to show yourself approved of God, rightly dividing the word of truth" (2 Timothy 2:15).  Learn what you need to know to respond adequately and effectively to the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" that are being hurled against you!

Wayne Besen has provided us with a significant arsenal of truth in the "Ex-Gay" wars that engulf and devour us today.


Think through and write out your own truth about yourself.  Look within to discover who you really are and celebrate your unique personality and qualities that God has bestowed upon you.  Nobody else can really tell you who you are.  You will not find your own spiritual truth "out there" in a church or a teacher or in a doctrine, a creed, a book or the Bible.  You will discover your own personal truth within.

You are made in the image of God.  You have been given the Spirit of Jesus within your own mind and heart.  God is with you and all around you in your present environment.  Use and explore what you already have.

The foundation Bible verse that I used for the basis of my first book, "Invitation to Freedom," which was on "Personal Evangelism in the GLBT Community," was I Peter 3:15: "Sanctify (set apart) the Sovereign God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every person that asks you for a reason of the hope that is in you, yet with humility and respect."  (All of the material in "Invitation to Freedom" is now included in my book on "Steps to Recovery from Bible Abuse".)

The spiritual battle armor of God in Ephesians 6:12-18 begins with "truth"!  There is no substitute for knowing the facts.

Rembert Truluck

Anything But Straight by Wayne Besen:

About Wayne Besen:

Click here to see the articles about John Paulk and his book along with other relevant updates and important professional opinions about the "Ex-Gay Fraud".

Click here to see material on John Paulk:

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